“Don’t leave me hanging, mom!” his little voice giggled. I looked up from my phone to see his little cheek presented for my dutiful pecking. It was bedtime and I had already kissed him goodnight once and sent him on his way but he decided he needed just one more. The delight on his face felt so good, watching him anticipating my kiss with his boyish eagerness. My love bug, my little bundle of affection.

I felt a little guilty for being so distracted but he always understands. I’m thankful for his patience as I try to build our lives up into something I can be proud of professionally. I overheard him telling people what I do for a living; “She pushes buttons ALL DAY. Then she comes home AND PUSHES MORE BUTTONS. Sometimes on her phone.” He is pretty proud of me, which I’m thankful for on days when working feels hard and progress feels slow.

I sit on the sofa while working away, television on in the background while I type. He’s convinced me to let him sleep in my bed, to be transferred when I’m done working for the night. I steal a glance through the sliding doors that separate the living room (my makeshift office) and my bedroom, and just look at him. He’s so quiet when he sleeps, a rarity when there are Minecraft related stories to relay during every waking moment.

He makes my heart happy. I never imagined life could be like this—that I could be a mom and that I could be so happy. I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like watching my little boy grow up right before my eyes. He happily reminds me he will soon be in middle school, then to high school and then to university. He’s eager for the future and I’m clinging to the now because it’s hard but it’s perfect and it’s ours.

Every time I feel like I’m getting the hang of this motherhood thing I’m reminded how short-lived this phase is. In no time at all, he will fly the coop and leave me in an empty nest. I steal another glance at my sleeping son and watch as his chest rises and fall. I work a little faster so I can go in and steal a kiss before moving him to his bed and hope he doesn’t leave me hanging. He sure knows how to push my buttons.

 This post originally appeared on UrbanMoms.ca

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